Definition of a Wolf
by Louiseifer
Summary: Sirius and Remus slash story with a plot. Officially ENDED
1. Soul of a Wolf

Definition of a Wolf  
  
Disclaimer: **Points at J.K. Rowling** She did it!  
  
Summary: Remus is lonely. Sirius gets tangled up with his own past and present.  
  
Rating: This is tricky. Right now I'd say probably general, but it won't last. There's just something about Remus and Sirius which makes one long to jack up the rating. They're lovely.  
  
A/N: This is just the introduction, really. Kind of setting the scene. Pretend Lupin got his job back. Don't question it - humour me. I'd love feedback, and may give up writing the Holy Grail fic if I don't get it ;)  
  
***  
  
The moon hung low over the village and the Castle. Remus Lupin watched it with an illegible expression. It was very early full. Two days at the most until his next change. And he would be facing it alone again.  
  
Sirius Black was gone from his life once more, and he wasn't even sure why. Some errand for Professor Dumbledore. Some pointless errand which, nevertheless, was incredibly important. They were always the same. Sirius was at the headmaster's beck and call. If Dumbledore shouted "Fetch!" or "Heel!" Sirius would fetch or heel. He would leave Remus all alone, all alone at full moon, for some menial task on which the fate of the world may or may not rest.  
  
It was very dark indeed. Too dark for such a bright moon in the sky. Remus could not sleep, did not want to sleep either. Usually he could hear Sirius' breathing coming from the next room, but tonight it was too dark and too silent. He was restless, the wolf was stirring in him. Sometimes Sirius would come and sit on the bed with him before full moon, just to be there. He was the only person left who understood, since Remus' wife had died. The only one left who could placate the wolf. Remus would have wished Sirius was there if he hadn't given up wishing long ago.  
  
Outside, something howled. There were uncontrollable werewolves in the forests, creatures who no longer turned from a human being into a wolf at full moon, but who had become lost en route from one form to the other, some time ago. Creatures with wolfish bodies, but the evil and cruelty of spirit which only humans could know. A wolf would not commit murder. A human could not bite through steel. Remus did not consider this to be a coincidence.  
  
He sighed and got out of bed. No point being there.  
  
The small kitchen in his living quarters in Hogwarts was chilly and dark. Remus lit a lamp with a wave of his wand, and tried to find anything edible, but he'd send Sirius off with plenty of supplies; most of his food, in actual fact. There was nothing there except a few biscuits, so he gathered them up, wandered into the next room, and ate them silently, staring unseeing at the piles of paperwork on his desk. Harry's essay was in there somewhere, awaiting his attention, as were Ron's and Hermione's. They would wait until morning.  
  
The photo of Sirius on Remus' desk caught his eye. It was a typical wizard photo; Sirius was sitting in Remus' garden, laughing at something, occasionally running a hand through his thick, black hair. Remus liked Sirius' hair a lot. He would play with it sometimes, and if Sirius noticed anything suggestive in this he had never mentioned it. That was just like Sirius. He gave so much to Remus, supporting him with his condition, even after all he had been through himself, but when Remus tried to . . . oh, he didn't know what he was trying to do. Whatever it was, it sometimes felt a though it wasn't worth it. Sirius was busy, important, a vital cog in the running of the wizarding world and a dread weapon against Lord Voldemort. Remus should have been grateful merely to have known Sirius since childhood, he had no right to hope for . . . whatever it was.  
  
Remus sighed and stood up, biscuits finished. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. His hair was becoming wildly unruly, and a thick streak of grey ran down one side. His amber eyes seemed darker, even to himself. He felt old. Sirius, barely five months younger than him, was in his prime, but Remus could not hold out against the wolf. It gnawed at him, clawed at his brain, howled out deep inside him. Hold it at bay, Remus. Use it, don't let it use you. That's what Sirius would say. Tell it to sit, roll over, beg. If it doesn't obey, take a rolled-up newspaper to its nose. Don't let it use you. Never let it use you.  
  
Remus watched as his own face twitched, his ears lengthened, his teeth sharpened. He shook himself.  
  
"Not tonight," he said firmly to his reflection. He heard the wolf whimper, complain. It was feral, didn't understand that it had to wait one more night. It wanted to hunt *now*  
  
"No!" Remus nearly shouted. He shook his head vigorously, fighting down the burning desire to sink his teeth into something, anything. He would win this. It was not yet full moon. Not even Sirius could fight against the moon.  
  
*** Several hundred miles away, a large, black, shaggy dog stopped being a large, black, shaggy dog, and almost un-noticeably became a slender, dark- haired man, crouching down on his haunches behind a wall.  
  
Sirius Black ran his hands over the brick-work. Oh, yes, this was very familiar. This house, this garden, this wall. This brought back memories . . .  
  
There were voices now. Sirius glanced up and caught sight of the bulging moon high above.  
  
"Remus," he whispered, almost inaudibly, "I'm doing this for you, old friend."  
  
To Be Continued . . . ? 


	2. Mind of a Man

Definition of a Wolf, part two.  
  
Disclaimer **Points at J.K. Rowling** She did it again!  
  
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Mad Purple Nikki, my Partner in Crime. MWUhuhuhu!  
  
***  
  
Remus Lupin had tamed the wolf for another night. But still he could not sleep. Strange images danced in front of his vision, visions he could not identify at first, but soon morphed into easily identifiable characters. He could see James, Lily and Harry, standing together as they had the last time Remus saw them; the day of Harry's first birthday. They laughed and waved at him. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the hallucinations, but they were merely replaced by more. These ones weren't memories. These were of Sirius, gazing into Remus' eyes, leaning closer, closer, smiling all the time, saying something which Remus wasn't listening to because he was too immersed in Sirius' deep black eyes to care what he was saying . . .  
  
And then it was gone. Sirius was gone. Remus blinked back the tears (and what were they doing there?), and turned away from the window, where he had been watching the forest.  
  
Memories . . . James Potter's face flashed in front of Remus' eyes again. And Lily. And Peter. Remus waited for Sirius, but he didn't come.  
  
Remus reached for the thick black book on the desk. A photo album. He thumbed through it idly, eyes taking in every image of Sirius' face. There was a picture of Sirius and Lilly, several with James, one with Peter, one with -  
  
The werewolf froze. He had never seen this photo before. Sirius with a tall, blonde haired girl, both of them waving at the photographer. The girl had startling green eyes, a wide, even-toothed smile, and she was extremely familiar. Her name was Felicity. She had died five years ago. And she had been married to Remus.  
  
Felicity had been the turning point for Remus. At school they hadn't spoken much, she was in a different house, a year below him. When they left, they hadn't seen each other for years. After Voldemort's fall, Remus had been given a job at the Ministry for Magic, some paper-pushing job, minimum pay, flexible hours. And there she had been, working with him. Felicity Chandler. Two years later, Felicity Lupin.  
  
She had been the turning point for Remus. A new start. He could at last let James and Lily rest in peace, not forget them, but stop thinking about them constantly. He knew even then it was wrong, he had never had a relationship with a woman, and his luck with men was non-existent. He had no confidence. He knew nothing about romance. He did not love her. But she said all the right things, and he responded, and things just happened. Things like Claire.  
  
They had planned for Claire - no, Felicity had planned for her. Remus had been on auto-pilot ("yes, dear, of course, dear, that would be wonderful, dear"), and she had been born three years into their marriage; a werewolf, but they could handle that. Remus was still on auto-pilot. Beautiful wife and daughter, adequate job, house they could afford, car, friends . . .  
  
Felicity had said to him once, "Remus, we're absolutely perfect, aren't we? We've got everything. There's nothing we want. " Remus had said "of course, my love". What he had meant was, "you're perfect. I've lost everything, now you're my last hope." And he loved her, after a while. And he loved his daughter. And he looked after her at full moon, and he helped her wither school work. And he never thought of Sirius, the boy he had loved at school, and he seldom thought of Lily or James or Peter. Sometimes he wondered about Harry, but didn't everyone?  
  
Then he was called away, he couldn't remember where to, somewhere abroad. France or Spain or Belgium. He had still been on auto-pilot and hadn't taken very much notice. And then he had come home again. And witnessed his own private Hell.  
  
Claire was dead. That was instantly obvious. She had been dead for at least a day. It was no mystery how it had happened; they left their calling card. Literally. Werewolf poachers. They claimed it was sport, and no one could stop them because wolves were game. But it wasn't sport, not really. They all bore grudges against werewolves for some reason or another, and so dedicated their lives to eradicating them, even to the extent of killing an eight year old girl who's father was out of the country.  
  
And Felicity . . . She was gone. The poachers would have kidnapped her upon finding her to be human. Her body turned up several weeks later. Remus made sure his girls were buried together.  
  
But the worst part? By far the worst part was that empty feeling Remus got inside. Not pain, not sorrow, not grief, he'd long since used up his supplies of those. Just emptiness. A huge, gaping hole in his life. No more lovely stability. Auto-pilot disengaged. And then nothing but loneliness.  
  
It had been five years now. Remus had tried living as a hermit, but that didn't work. No one can totally disown the human race, or even the lupine race. He had tried the extreme alternatives with distinct distaste, sampling bars and clubs, but always coming to the same conclusion; they were not his place. Girlfriends came and went. Boyfriends were easier to pick up, then discard, but were no fun because none of them were Sirius. Remus had struggled through, day by day, until finally that letter had come from Dumbledore, offering him a job. Less than a year after that, Sirius was backing his life.  
  
And now he was gone once again. Remus didn't know where he was or if he was coming back. All he knew was, if and when Sirius did return, Remus was going to tell him how he felt. He was going to admit his love. He put a hand on the sacred photo album and swore it. Sealed.  
  
A sudden bashing at his chamber door made him jump. He threw his cloak around him, shut the album, and marched towards the door.  
  
On the other side was Sixth Year Head Prefect, Hermione Granger, looking flustered and mildly annoyed, not to mention exasperated. Remus raised a eyebrow questioningly.  
  
"Professor!" Hermione gasped. "You'd better come quick. There's trouble in the Prefect room, and you're the closest teacher, and I definitely think *you* should handle this one . . . I hope I didn't wake you, but it's quite urgent - "  
  
Remus raised his hands calmingly. "Lead the way," he told her.  
  
They walked quickly towards the Prefect common room. Remus tried to figure out why there would be anyone in there at this time of night, then remembered his time as a student. Of course there would be people awake at one in the morning.  
  
It turned out to be down to a rat. Someone had caught it in a jar and was claiming it had tried to turn into a human. Remus was about to take charge when he noticed another adult had got there first; a mall, slender, auburn- haired lady, smiling cheerfully at him.  
  
"High spirits," she said, reaching for the rat-in-a-jar. "Making all this fuss about a rodent, I don't know - "  
  
"Who are you?" Remus interrupted, brushing her had away from the jar.  
  
"Professor Linda Garland. New Care of Magical Creatures expert. I arrived just a few hours ago, and I can assure you that this is a perfectly ordinary rat - "  
  
"I can assure *you* it isn't," said Remus gruffly, reaching towards the jar. He was lifting it when the new Professor Garland snatched it from him.  
  
"I'm an expert - " she began. Then the jar exploded, raining glass down on the prefect body. A man replaced the rat, a little scrawny man with a bald head and screwed-up eyes. Peter Pettigrew, Lily and James' murderer.  
  
Remus launched himself at the little man, but Wormtail was ready. He swung a fist, catching Remus on the temple, then kicked him in the stomach. The last thing Remus saw before blacking out was Peter becoming a rat again, and vanishing out of the window.  
  
To be continued . . . 


	3. Back to Black Manor

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Three  
  
[Insert Disclaimer Here]  
  
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to the 'S' key on my keyboard in the hope that it encourages it to work better and to stop jamming. And because s's taste nice.  
  
***  
  
Moonlight picked out highlights in Sirius Black's hair. He wished it wouldn't. He didn't want to be seen.  
  
His gaze travelled up to the house who's wall he was crouched behind. It was a familiar house, large and dark and brooding, a hulk of a building on an otherwise unoccupied hillock just outside London. This was where Sirius had grown up. It had been his parents' house, but he didn't know who owned it now. He hated the fact that he was here now. It meat that whoever now lived in his childhood home was a murderer.  
  
Weeks of careful detective work had led him back here. He had been give a name and an address; this one. The name was unfamiliar. Julian Jackson. Sirius wondered if the man now owned the house. He had been neglecting it if he did. Ivy and other unidentifiable creepers clung to every available surface, almost as if someone had tried to hide the building in its own miniature forest. There were six milk bottles on the doorstep, all of which now contained something closer to cheese. And there was an old car in the driveway. Sirius gasped as he identified his late father's black Bentley Continental; tyres let down, windows smashed, paint peeling, rust ravaged. He spent some time cursing over this. How could anyone let a classic car get into this sort of state? Then he remembered why he was here. Decrepit cars were the least of his concerns. He was on a revenge mission.  
  
He was doing this for Remus. He had spent weeks carefully asking the right people the right questions, following leads, using his instincts, and he had arrived here, with the conclusion that his parents' house was now a hideaway for Werewolf Poachers. Remus knew nothing, of course. He would try to stop Sirius, but Sirius knew this was for the best. If he didn't catch the people responsible for the deaths of Remus' wife and child, they would just keep on and on, murdering perfectly innocent werewolves yet having no effect at all on their population. Sirius was sure Remus would thank him.  
  
A light came on in the house. Sirius scuttled closer, ducking down behind the shell of the Bentley. As the front door opened, he slid into dog form.  
  
It was a familiar male figure which emerged from the house, accompanied by an un-familiar one holding a crossbow. Sirius watched them crunch down the gravel driveway, and kept his eyes on them until they were out of sight. Then he slunk up to the porch and peered through the window. The hallway was empty, as was the adjoining cloakroom. Yet there was still a light on upstairs. Curious.  
  
No one could pick this lock except Sirius, and he did so with the same ease he had as a teenager returning home past midnight. Then he dropped into canine mode again, and trotted up the wide marble staircase. As he neared the top of the flight, his sharp senses detected a faint sobbing sound coming from a nearby door. He crept closer, and put his nose to the door.  
  
A familiar scent filled Remus' nostrils. A sweet scent of flowers and peppermint. A scent which made Sirius think of love and warmth and compassion. But there was something else mixed in with it. Salt, suggesting tears, and - yes - fear too. Sirius turned back to human shape, pushed the door open, and marched into the room.  
  
There was a young woman lying face down on the bed, sobbing into her pillow. She looked up and gasped a Sirius burst in. Then she leaped to her feet and stared at him, wide eyes rimmed with red.  
  
"Sirius?" she whispered.  
  
Sirius nodded. "It's me."  
  
"It . . . It can't be . . ." The young woman took a step closer to him, reached out a hand to touch his face. He smiled at her, and she threw herself into his arms, crying openly again. He stroked her hair, whispering reassuringly, and wondering what the Hell was going on.  
  
***  
  
Remus came round slowly. His head was throbbing and he wasn't sure where he was. Then a familiar face appeared in his line of vision.  
  
"Ah, Remus," said Headmaster Dumbledore, smiling cheerfully, "you're with us again."  
  
The Hogwarts hospital wing swum into focus, as did the rest of Dumbledore, and the entireties of Professor Severus Snape and an unfamiliar woman. Remus blinked, puzzled.  
  
"Do you remember anything?" asked Dumbledore, still smiling in that annoying way of his.  
  
" . . ." said Remus. His mouth felt extremely dry. He tried again. "Peter . . . "  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Somehow, he overpowered you, Remus. We think he crept into the school to spy on Harry, but got caught in the act. He escaped again. We're declaring it a national emergency, seeing as we know Pettigrew works for Lord Voldemort."  
  
"We're calling your Siamese twin to heel," Snape supplied in his greasy- toned voice. Remus stared at him blankly. "Black," Snape supplied. "You two are joined at the hip," he added helpfully.  
  
"Yes," said Dumbledore. "If anyone is capable of scaring Pettigrew away from Harry, it's Sirius, so I'm bringing him back to Hogwarts."  
  
Remus digested all this as he sipped from a beaker of water. When his mouth felt a little less like something had died in it recently, he asked, "I thought Sirius was on an important mission?"  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Indeed, it is very important to Sirius, personally. But we must keep in mind the difference between personal and important."  
  
Remus nodded, although he didn't really understand. Sirius was coming back. He didn't need to understand anything else. Then his gaze fell on the woman standing with Snape and Dumbledore. She was watching him intently, her golden eyes probing his very soul. He frowned.  
  
"Have we been introduced?"  
  
The woman nodded. "I'm afraid we didn't get off to a good start. I didn't believe you when you said that rat was actually a man. I'm Linda Garland."  
  
Remus nodded, remembering. He offered her a weak smile. She stared at him for a long time, then finally smiled back.  
  
"Get some sleep, Remus," Dumbledore advised. "I'll speak to you again in the morning."  
  
To be continued . . .  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! 


	4. Padfoot Returns

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Four  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for characters not in the books. Chances are I made them up. Um, yeah.  
  
Dedication: To all the voices in my head.  
  
A/N: Before we start, I have a few things to say to various reviewers.  
  
Dace: Yes. **Pokes**  
  
Xaniu: . . . maybe, but surely that doesn't matter?  
  
Padfootwolfboy: You have sanity? Wow! Where'd you get it, I want to try some!  
  
Ice: Don't worry about the Sirius-hugging woman . . .yet! Read on to find out who she is . . .Oh, and don't be too hard on Professor Garland!  
  
Everyone else who reviewed: Thanks guys!  
  
Okay, on with the story . . .  
  
***  
  
Sirius sat the sobbing woman down on the bed, and knelt beside her. When she had recovered a bit, she gave him a weak smile.  
  
"Sirius, it isn't safe here," she told him. "You have to leave. Remus Lupin isn't with you, is he?"  
  
"Remus? No, Ella, he's not." Sirius shook his head to enforce his words.  
  
"It was Remus who told me you were innocent," said the woman named Ella. "Dumbledore tried, but . . .well, I didn't believe him. I believed Remus, though. He knows you better than anyone."  
  
Sirius nodded. That was true.  
  
"I saw Thuban leaving," he said. "You and he don't live here, do you?"  
  
"No, he doesn't live here. My husband and I do."  
  
"I didn't know you were married."  
  
"It's only been five years. His name is Julian."  
  
Sirius swallowed hard, and nodded. "Congratulations," he croaked. The name he had been given of the main suspect in the murder of Remus' family was Julian Jackson.  
  
"Our father lived long enough to give me away," said Ella distantly, staring at her feet. Then she looked sharply at Sirius. "He really believed you were a murderer, Sirius. He died believing it."  
  
Sirius was silent for a moment. "Is mother alive?" he asked finally.  
  
"No. She died shortly after they put you away. I don't think she could really bring herself to believe it. Thuban . . . well, he'd believe anything nasty about you . . . and Remus too."  
  
Sirius scowled. "What's our foul tempered elder brother got against Remus?"  
  
Ella sighed. "He . . . Well, he believes Remus works for Voldemort. He's paranoid, and especially hates shape-shifters, and *especially* werewolves. He refuses to believe a werewolf could have nothing to do with the dark lord. He thinks it was Remus who led you to the dark side, and thus brought our family name to shame." Ella looked up at her younger brother, and wiped a tear from her eye. "I think he wants to kill Remus. I *know* it. He wouldn't have become involved with Julian otherwise. Sirius, you *must* warn Remus."  
  
Sirius nodded. "This Julian, who is he exactly?"  
  
"My husband. I told you."  
  
"What does he do? Where's he from? What's he like?"  
  
Ella looked away. Sirius reached out and touched her cheek. Even in the early morning moonlight he could make out the dark bruise on her otherwise porcelain flesh. And he knew what Julian was like. A low growl rose up in his throat, and he had to fight to control his temper.  
  
"I never loved him," said Ella, still not meeting Sirius' gaze. "I married him to please our brother and father. I knew if you were there, you would have stopped it, but, well, you weren't . . . And he isn't all that bad, not really. But there's only one man I'll ever love, and he hardly knows I exist. . ."  
  
Sirius nodded. He didn't have time to hear stories of his sister's quest for love. He had to warn Remus, and stop his brother and this Julian fellow from harming him. He didn't know what he would do if anything happened to Remus. He had always had an unbelievable soft spot for his werewolf friend. At school, James Potter had been Sirius' best friend, but James was tough, independent, almost untouchable. He was brilliant fun and a perfect student, while Remus was the one Sirius could tell things to. Remus would listen to anything, and if asked would give his honest opinion. It seemed to work both ways, too; Sirius had kept the secret of Remus' sexuality for years before James finally found out after they left school. Peter had never spoken about it, leaving Sirius to wonder whether he even knew. Lily, apparently, knew as soon as James did (those two had been inseparable), but Sirius was proud of the fact that he had been told personally by Remus. It was a small personal triumph. It was symbolic of the special bond between Remus and himself, a bond of pack-mates, a bond for life . . .  
  
A sick feeling arose in Sirius' throat. He tried to shake thoughts of Remus' death from his mind. He told himself Remus was safe at Hogwarts, but for some reason he couldn't believe it. Hogwarts was the most secure place in the country if not the world, but Sirius did not feel comfortable. He wanted to get back to Remus as soon as he could, but how could he leave Ella here alone? He couldn't take her to Hogwarts. That would be too dangerous, Julian would be bound to come after Ella, and that would lead him to Remus. He'd just have to leave her here for now, warn Remus about the danger, then comeback for Ella and . . . What? Kidnap her? With his record that wasn't a good plan. Well, he'd just have to see what presented itself at the time.  
  
"Ella," he whispered, "will you be okay here? I have to go . . ."  
  
She looked up at him and nodded. "I'll be fine, Sirius. Please take care . . ."  
  
He kissed her forehead, transformed into Padfoot the dog, and vanished into the night.  
  
***  
  
Dawn rose over Hogwarts. Linda Garland rose with it. It was her first day of lessons so naturally she was anxious, but she had also hoped to catch Remus Lupin before breakfast, to apologise about the previous night. She certainly hadn't intended for them to get off to such a bad start. She had been so looking forward to seeing Remus and couldn't bare the idea that he would hate her before she even got the chance to explain herself to him.  
  
"Just grant me one thing," she muttered to some invisible deity, as she hurried towards the hospital wing. "Let me explain before full moon. That is all I ask."  
  
***  
  
Remus awoke with a headache. He also got the feeling that things were very dark and surely it must be a lot later in the morning than it seemed?  
  
The shadow over his bed shifted, and morphed into a figure. Sirius leaned down and grinned at him.  
  
"G'morning, Moony!"  
  
Remus grinned. He pushed himself up in bed and took in the full glory that was Sirius through morning-misty eyes. "Welcome back, dear," he said.  
  
Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed and started eating the obligatory hospital grapes on the bedside table. "So what're you doing here?" he asked with his mouth full. "It's not full moon for hours."  
  
Remus decided to fuel Sirius' ego a bit. "Oh, I had Padfoot withdrawal symptoms," he said, swooning theatrically.  
  
"It's very common," said Sirius, feigning expertise. "Symptoms include excruciating boredom and chronic dullness. Can be fatal. D'you think you'll recover?"  
  
"Oh, definitely." Remus' grin widened and he leaned towards Sirius, reaching at the same time, subconsciously, for his idol's hand . "Now you're back I feel simply wonderful - " he began, then the door burst open.  
  
Sirius jerked away and became suddenly canine . They both turned to look at the intruder. It was Professor Garland. Remus sighed, wondering if maybe this was an omen to keep his feelings for Sirius to himself.  
  
"Hello, Linda," he said wearily.  
  
"Remus," she greeted him. "Are you coming to breakfast this morning?"  
  
"If Madam Pomfrey decides to let me out." He smiled wryly.  
  
"Well, I thought maybe you could help me find my way around? If you're feeling alright, of course."  
  
"I'd be glad to." Remus gave her a bright smile.  
  
She went outside to wait for him, and Sirius lay in dog form under the bed as Remus dressed. He slipped out of the door as Remus left, and trotted off in search of Dumbledore.  
  
Linda Garland gave Remus a wide yet nervous smile. "Can we talk?" she asked as they walked towards the hall.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"I want to apologise for letting the rat-man escape. I honestly didn't know - "  
  
"You couldn't have known," said Remus gently. "You're forgiven."  
  
Her smile relaxed slightly. "There's something else I want to talk to you about as well. But maybe later will be better for that."  
  
"As you wish," said Remus. They had reached the hall. He could smell breakfast, a thousand different food scents mixed together to give the air an appetising texture. He sniffed hungrily. There were sausages and bacon. He felt like he hadn't eaten for days. It was amazing what sausages and bacon could do to hungry lupine senses.  
  
He pulled out Professor Garland's chair for her, waited until she was seated and gave her another charming smile. He wondered if he might be the world's only chivalrous werewolf.  
  
He'd only just tucked in to his breakfast when the post arrived. There were a few boring envelopes, and a curiously shaped parcel. Inside this was a chocolate box which contained not chocolates but a short note. As he read it, Remus could imagine he was a teenager again, for the note read simply; "From your secret admirer." He wondered if it was a childish joke. He also wondered if it was Sirius (the hand writing was similar to Sirius'), but rejected both ideas. He also rejected the idea of pursuing the issue; whoever it was would have to get in the queue behind Sirius. With a light chuckle, he threw the box and the note away.  
  
To be continued . . .  
  
A/N: I must apologise for Thuban. I do not have the willpower to write a fic involving a brother of Sirius who does not have some starry name. Think yourselves lucky, though: it was originally Rigel. Also, yes, I know this fic is pretty dark and adult-ish. We've had murder and homosexuality, and now wife-beating. I don't know if it was meant to be this way. Go and ask my muse. I don't know who my muse is, so if you find them, kindly let me know. Also also, I apologise for any typos I've missed. My sister nearly destroyed this keyboard, you would not *believe* how difficult it is to write using this thing. Every sentence I type, I have to go back and put the spaces in, and the odd letter. In every other word. Including this sentence. Which sucks. And now I have broken a dozen of Footmonster's Author's Note rules. What a damn shame. 


	5. Unwelcome Ron

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Four  
  
This chapter is set during morning break. Very short. Enjoy.  
  
***  
  
Remus pushed open the door of the room Sirius stayed in while at Hogwarts. The lights were off and the curtains pulled shut. Sirius hadn't slept that night, he would be tired. Nevertheless, Remus padded silently into the room.  
  
Sirius was lying on the bed with his eyes shut. Remus paused to take in his lithe form. Sirius had gained weight since his escape from Azkaban, and it suited him. His arms and shoulders were far more muscular than they had been mere months ago, and his face had filled up so he no longer looked like he had no flesh there and the skin had simply been painted on over the bone. In fact, Sirius was looking more like his old, pre-Azkaban self. Remus felt his heart race. Sirius' breathing was regular. Was he asleep?  
  
The werewolf approached silently and sat down on the side of the bed. Sirius' eyes flickered. Remus spread himself out a bit, almost lying down beside Sirius.  
  
"Moony," the dark-haired man murmured. "I'm glad it's you." He opened his eyes sleepily, and gazed up at the werewolf. "I want to keep you near me. You're not safe."  
  
"I've never felt safer," said Remus, resting his head on Sirius' chest. It was an innocent enough gesture, he thought.  
  
"I miss you when I go away," said Sirius, shutting his eyes again. "I'd kill myself if you got hurt."  
  
"I won't get hurt. Because you'll protect me. My brave guard dog."  
  
Sirius smiled, and Remus' heart leaped. His breath caught in his throat. Various other clichés happened to his body, and he reached out a had to touch Sirius' lower lip. Sirius opened an eye, smiled and closed it again. Remus stared at him. What was he playing at? Did he feel the same way, or was he simply too tired to protest? Did he even realise what Remus was doing? There was only one way to find out.  
  
In one fluid movement, Remus slid on top of Sirius, placing his hands on the pillow on either side of his friend's head. Sirius' eyes snapped open. His expression was unreadable. Remus gazed deeply into his face, their eyes locked together. Sirius' hands moved until they rested lightly on Remus' back, and neither of them said a word for a very long time.  
  
"I missed you more," Remus murmured after a while.  
  
There was a pause before Sirius rose to the challenge.  
  
"No," he whispered, "*I* missed *you* more."  
  
Sirius' fingers slid down Remus' back, tugging at his clothing until the werewolf's scarred flesh was revealed. Remus shut his eye as Sirius' fingers trailed up his back again, this time underneath his shirt.  
  
Remus began to lean slowly forwards. He could feel Sirius' warm breath on his face. He wanted to close the gap between them, but something held him back. His late wife's face flickered before his eyes. She didn't look angry or upset. In fact, he didn't have much of an expression at all. She was just there, looking at him. And he stared back, him crouched over Sirius Black, almost straddling the un-protesting ex-convict. Guilt gripped him. There was a brief struggle between the guilt and the lust before Remus was able to shrug away the image of her face. He opened his eyes.  
  
Sirius looked concerned. "Are you okay, Moony?" he whispered.  
  
"I'm fine, Padfoot. Never been better."  
  
"Me neither." A cheeky grin touched Sirius' lips. "You're beautiful in the dark."  
  
"Git," laughed Remus, poking Sirius on the nose.  
  
The dark man redeemed himself: "Of course, you're more beautiful in the daylight . . ."  
  
Remus felt himself flush. He knew his cheeks were red. A coy smile flickered across his lips, then he realised that in actual fact he was the one on top. He shut his eyes and leaned forwards. Sirius' eyes closed too, and his head tilted up. Their lips had barely brushed when the door was thrown open and a tall figure rushed in.  
  
Sirius sat up sharply, and Remus leaped off the bed, but it was too late. The figure was Ron Weasley, best friend of Sirius' Godson, Harry Potter, and he had seen everything.  
  
"Um," said Ron, backing away. "Um, I, er . . ."  
  
"Spit it out," said Sirius, his voice hoarse.  
  
Ron gulped, looked once at Remus, then muttered, "Dumbledore wants to see you both. Right away." Then he fled.  
  
Sirius and Remus exchanged a long look. Without another word, the werewolf left, heading for Dumbledore's office alone.  
  
To Be Continued . . .  
  
A/N: Padfootwolfboy! Calm yourself! Let the force guide you . . . damage not your computer desk . . . and resist sanity! Yus! Oh, you said "Not to adult-ish. I'm not sure if you meant that you don't think it's adult-ish so far, or if you don't want it too adult-ish . . .well, it won't be bad, anyway . . .  
  
Dace: Bwuhuhuhuhu!! Evil Dumbledore and now evil Ron!! **Sniggers**  
  
Anywhoops . . .To Be Continued . . . oh, I said that . . . 


	6. Full Moon

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Six  
  
Disclaimer: I didn't do it!  
  
A/N: I've fluffed up the timing. Never mind. Just . . . pretend everything flows nicely, okay? Maybe all that magic floating about mucked up the clocks. Yeah.  
  
***  
  
Sirius stood and watched Remus leave. The werewolf did not look back. Not for the first time in twenty-four hours, Sirius murmured to himself "what the Hell just happened?"  
  
He reviewed the past ten minuets. He had been dozing off when Remus appeared beside him. The werewolf had flirted outrageously, as he usually did and had done since their schooldays. Then Remus had actually climbed on top of him, straddling him, looking for all the world like he was going to take Sirius there and then. The expression in Remus' eyes had not only contained lust, but something more frightening; deep, desperate, unconditional love.  
  
Frightening . . . ? Yes, it was frightening. Very frightening. Yet Sirius had played along, touching and laughing and . . . almost kissing. When had his relationship with Remus turned into this behind his back? And did he want this? Well, yes, he did. Remus was perfect in every way. There could be no one as kind and funny and understanding and warm as Remus, but . . .  
  
And that was when Sirius Black realised that he was truely scared. At first he could not believe it, but it was still there. Fear of . . . something. What? Commitment? Rejection? Simply becoming involved with another man in that way? Maybe all of them, but whatever it was, it scared him more than Dementors or Voldemort or Wormtail, not because it was more important but because he knew how to deal with them. This, he could not deal with.  
  
He took a deep breath and composed himself. Dumbledore would be waiting for him. He left the room.  
  
***  
  
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley almost ran into each other outside their common room. They stared at each other, and then both at the same time declared, "You'll never guess what I just saw!"  
  
They grinned. "You first," said Ron.  
  
"Right," said Harry. "You know that new Care of Magical Creatures woman? Professor Garland? Well, I just saw her sneaking past Hagrid's hut. I followed her, and guess where she went!"  
  
"The forest?" Ron suggested,  
  
"Nope. She went right up to the Whomping Willow, froze it with a stick, and crawled into the tunnel. Obviously she's trying to get into the Shrieking Shack, but why? Only Lupin goes there at full moon."  
  
Ron's face paled. "It's full moon tonight! What if she's there and Lupin eats her?"  
  
Harry shook his head. "Sirius is back, that means he'll go with Lupin tonight. He'll keep Lupin under control. Besides, it's a few hours until moon rise. What was it you saw?"  
  
Ron paled further and recounted his tale. Harry's eyes had widened when he was finished.  
  
"That can't be true," said Harry. "Sirius isn't - "  
  
"I *saw* them, Harry!"  
  
"Maybe you saw wrong."  
  
"I didn't. There was Sirius lying there, and Lupin was - "  
  
"I don't want to hear it!" Harry shouted, scowling. "And I don't believe it, either, Ron. They were probably doing something perfectly innocent."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm more interested in what Professor Garland was doing."  
  
"Y'know," said Ron, giving in, "I really don't get her. She's weird."  
  
***  
  
The men weren't back yet. Ella Black was worried. It wasn't like Thuban to be late. She hoped they hadn't come across any difficult werewolves. She hoped they hadn't come across any at all.  
  
Ella sighed sadly. She was incredibly fed up. She had been in this house for months without leaving. She had no friends left; Julian would not let her see them. She did not understand why because she had never asked. She did not question Julian, or Thuban for that matter. That would be asking for trouble.  
  
But there was one man she *would* question. A man who she knew would not lie to her. And she knew that one day he would be hers.  
  
***  
  
Dumbledore briefed the entire staff on Wormtail; Peter Pettigrew. Sirius and Remus were already familiar with all of this, and were present merely to re-enforce their senses and instincts. Not that either of them were listening. They were standing together at the back of Dumbledore's study, watching each other like cats.  
  
"I know you feel it," Remus murmured right into Sirius' ear so that he did not interrupt Dumbledore. "You know how I feel for you, don't you? And I know you feel . . . something."  
  
Sirius stared at him. "What are you saying?" He muttered.  
  
"I'm saying, Sirius, that I. . ." Remus' voice trailed off as he realised the people closest to them would possibly hear him. Instead he let his fingers seek out Sirius' hand. He stroked his friend's knuckles, a subtle gesture. Sirius didn't respond. He just stared placidly into Remus' face, his expression once more incomprehensible.  
  
"And that," said Dumbledore, "Must conclude this meeting. Back to work, ladies and gentlemen. Except for Remus, of course."  
  
Remus nodded, not breaking eye contact with Sirius. Sirius, on the other hand, scowled.  
  
"Where're you going, Moony?" he asked.  
  
"The Shack," Remus explained. "Snape hasn't been here to make my Wolfsbane potion, and I tried to make it myself, but . . . well, you know me and potions."  
  
"I'll come with you, then," said Sirius at once.  
  
"If you don't want to, then - "  
  
"Of course I want to, Moony. It'll be like the old days - "  
  
Dumbledore's voice interrupted them. "Sirius, I'd like you to cover the rest of Remus' classes today, if you would. We really have no one to spare with Severus away. You don't mind, do you?"  
  
With an almost relieved sigh, Sirius shook his head. "I don't mind, headmaster," he said.  
  
Remus gave Sirius a small smile, and trotted from the room. Sirius groaned quietly. He didn't know what he was going to do about Remus and his feelings. The werewolf had always been slightly flirtatious with Sirius; it had been a joke really. At school Sirius had been a heartbreaker. He had a new girl every week, loved to chat them up, treat them like princesses, then, just when they were thinking of inviting him to meet their parents, dumping them with no good reason. But still they came for more. He was irresistible to females.  
  
Remus, on the other hand, could have been the only boy in a boarding school full of beautiful girls and still feel queasy at the thought of kissing them. He'd been open with his sexuality, but not promiscuous, like one or two other boys in their year (or like Sirius, for that matter). He had been a shy boy, coy, quiet, patient. Only Sirius had ever publicly received the full heat of his charm, and that was only because it provided ludicrous entertainment for the rest of the school. Sirius was as straight as a plank, Remus about as straight as a corkscrew. Total opposites.  
  
What was it they said about opposites?  
  
Sirius shook his head. He couldn't be attracted to Remus. It just didn't fit into his schema of how the Universe worked. But the Universe worked differently these days, didn't it? These were the days when Sirius' own brother wandered about at night murdering werewolves, and when Lily and James were dead, and Peter was a wanted man. These were not the days Sirius had been used to.  
  
A strange thought was forming in Sirius' mind. It had never been seen there before, and all his other thoughts stared at it like a stranger. Nevertheless, it was going to be heard. And it went like this: I really, really like Remus. I told him he's beautiful. I meant it. Why not give him a chance?  
  
There was a few moments of silence in Sirius' mind as this was processed and digested. A couple of lesser thoughts yelled "here, here!" A few more joined in. Soon there was no escaping it. He was going to have to sit and really think about this. What did he have to lose? Still, it was a big decision. He had time to think. He could confront this later.  
  
***  
  
Remus trudged down the tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow, reached the trapdoor at the end, and pressed his hands against it. Then he froze. His ears pricked. He was sure he had heard something moving about in the house above. He shrugged, opened the trapdoor, and hauled himself up into the Shrieking Shack.  
  
As soon as he had closed the door, he heard another sound upstairs. He took a deep, calming breath. The wolf was struggling at his chains, teeth gnashing, claws digging into the ground. Shh, he told it. Just a few more minuets. *Then* I'll set you free.  
  
He took the stairs two at a time. The sound had stopped, but he could smell something now. He didn't know what it was. So near a shape change the senses became clouded, smells were difficult to make out, even familiar ones, but he knew there was something wrong. That was the wolfish sixth sense, the ability to detect kinks in the thread of normality. Something was in pain, close by. He ran along the corridor, and threw himself against the bedroom door, shouldering it open.  
  
Before he got the chance to see what was within, moonlight from the window hit him full in the face. The wolf inside him tore frantically at it bonds, finally ripping them apart. It howled triumphantly as Remus fell to his knees, clutching his head. He felt his teeth lengthen, his hair grow long and wild all over his body, felt himself shrink, his limb-joints reverse painfully. The whole process took a few seconds, but to Remus, every transformation took a lifetime.  
  
He let out a howl of pain as he dropped to the floor, fully transformed. Through the pain, he could make out two eyes peering at him. Yellow eyes, deadly bright in the dusk light. The thing moved towards him, and he knew that until his strength returned to him, he was helpless . . .  
  
To Be Continued . . .  
  
A/N:  
  
Well, I'm not a proud of that chapter as the rest. Never mind, eh?  
  
Lady Midnight: Thanks for reviewing! You've been sooooooooooo kind!  
  
Ice: Yar, I love writing Siri-Rem cuteness. More on the way, if the story decides to go that way.  
  
Padfootwolfboy: PHWEEEE!! You're nuts, you are! Found my muse yet? I have a few bones to pick with it.  
  
Dace: **Points. Laughs.** You're coming to Chatham!! **Laughs a bit more** Well, we'll make your stay more enjoyable. . . 


	7. Professor Black?

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Seven  
  
Disclaimer: Phwee! **Does a disclaimer dance** Well, anywhoops.Me no own, you no sue!  
  
A/N:I didn't expect this story to be so long. It is getting in the way of my novel writing, but I'm far to involved, and have too much support to give it up. (The discovery of my Muse would be a help, though . . . for Muse bait, Padfootwolfboy, try bananas dipped in Naphtha. They like that for some reason.  
  
Also, have lost my copy of PoA . . . so forgive any errors I make. Please?  
  
Dedication: To all my lovely reviewers! You may all have an Angel cake!  
  
***  
  
The sixth year students slouched into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom not expecting very much from this lesson. Professor Lupin was the best DADA teacher any of them had seen, and when he was away at full moon the lessons were usually covered either by someone totally useless or by Snape, who usually taught Potions and hated three quarters of the students in the school. Only students in his own house, Slytherin, would be shown any mercy by Snape, and even then it was sparse.  
  
But it wasn't Snape taking the lesson today. It wasn't even some under- qualified substitute teacher. It was Sirius Black.  
  
"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed happily when he caught sight of his Godfather.  
  
"Hullo, Harry," said Sirius cheerfully. "Hullo, Ron, Hermione." He gave the entire class a huge grin.  
  
By now, most people had heard of Sirius' innocence in the eyes of the law, and were quite happy to be in the same room as the ex-convict. Neville Longbottom, on the other hand, was behind the times as usual. He took one look at Sirius' grinning face, and passed out. Sirius' face fell.  
  
"Damn," he muttered. "Never mind. Roll him under a desk, someone, can't have the poor boy lying around . . . "  
  
Seamus Finnegan and Lavender Brown tucked Neville under the desk, then everyone settled down for the lesson.  
  
"This should be good," Draco Malfoy whispered to one of his Slytherin friends. "That idiot obviously knows plenty about the Dark Arts."  
  
"Not half as much as your father, master Malfoy," said Sirius smoothly, not looking up from the book he was exploring. "I'll have silence in this classroom, please. You wouldn't misbehave for Professor Lupin, would you?"  
  
Malfoy, obviously annoyed by the comment about his father, lifted his chin in defiance. "Lupin's pathetic. He couldn't control a class of paper dolls. And he's dangerous too. He growled at me once!"  
  
"He did too!" Added another Slytherin.  
  
"We've been saying for ages he should be sacked," said Malfoy, leaning back in his chair and enjoying the limelight. "But if you're going to be the replacement, I think we'll keep the killer beast, thanks."  
  
Harry watched Sirius' face very carefully throughout the whole of this. It was wooden, almost void of any expression at all. Harry could almost believe Sirius was trying very hard indeed to stop himself from either swinging for Malfoy or bursting into tears. However, Sirius did neither. He merely said quite calmly, "Twenty points from Slytherin, Malfoy. Now shut up and pay attention."  
  
Malfoy blinked in surprise. He obviously hadn't expected retaliation from Sirius, and seemed to decide it was best to keep quiet for now.  
  
"Right," said Sirius, putting his book down. "What have you lot been studying with Remus up until now?"  
  
Hermione Granger's hand shot up. "Dark Magic potions, sir," she said, hardly noticing Sirius' discomfort at being called 'sir'. "Professor Lupin has been showing us how to tell if a potion is safe to drink."  
  
"Probably not the best time for a practical lesson, then," said Sirius, grimacing slightly. "Probably not a good idea to have practical lessons on this at all," he added quietly, remembering what a disaster Remus could be with potions.  
  
He copied some apparently relevant lines from a book onto the board for the students to copy onto parchment, and wandered around the place examining people's work. When he got to the three Gryffindor students sitting at the back, he totally failed to meet Ron's eyes, and instead crouched over Harry's work, apparently engrossed.  
  
"I suppose you told the others," Sirius asked of Harry's essay.  
  
"I don't believe it," said Harry, peering into Sirius' face. "You and Lupin aren't gay . . . Are you?"  
  
Sirius glanced at his godson's questioning expression. He winced slightly.  
  
"Remus is very much gay, Harry. I don't think he'd want me to lie to you about that. As for me, well, that's . . . something under review right now." He looked at Harry again, and lowered his voice until it was barely audible. "I like Remus a Hell of a lot. When I'm not with him, I can convince myself that I - that I love him. When I'm near him I can't think about anything else. But, but . . ." This time Sirius looked to Hermione for reassurance.  
  
"Go on, Sirius," she said, smiling kindly.  
  
"Well, I'm not sure if it's the . . . right thing. Remus is a special guy, but he needs consistency. Werewolves do. I can't give him that, I'm not always around, and I - "  
  
"Woah!" Hermione held up her hands for him to stop talking. "Hold on a minuet. Surely what matters most is whether you love Remus?"  
  
Sirius stared at her for a moment, then nodded. He grinned suddenly. "You're right, Hermione. As usual. I love him. I'd die if anything happened to him. And I've got to let him know that."  
  
***  
  
Eyes . . .Two wide, glowing yellow eyes loomed at Remus out of the darkness. He knew those eyes, he'd seen them before, those *exact* eyes. He'd know them anywhere. They were imprinted on his memory for eternity.  
  
His own eyes rolled shut as he slipped into the flashback.  
  
**He'd been no more than six years old, and playing in his muggle parents' front garden. They has recently moved to Sussex. How could they have known their town was almost fifty per cent wizard populated? How could they have known the types of weird and dangerous creatures wizards and witches attracted? And if they had known, how could they have protected themselves?  
  
The werewolf bided its time. It wasn't yet fully dark, even though the moon had been out for hours. But it couldn't wait too long, else the child would be removed from the garden. Never before had it seen such an easy target, and it was convinced that it must be some kind of trap.  
  
Nevertheless, it hadn't fed in months. Hadn't tasted human flesh. The scent of the small boy hung in the air for yards around, tantalisingly sweet. It had a fresh scab on it knee, and the werewolf could smell the already congealing blood. It was driving it wild, but wolf senses overrode the desperate urge just to run in and kill. It scouted the edge of the garden. It could see no other humans. Had they just left this child here as a gift?  
  
Drool dripped from the werewolf's jaws. The boy was coming closer, of its own free will. How stupid these humans were! All that was needed was one bite to satisfy the werewolf's hunger, just one. And the child was well within reach. . .  
  
Remus had long ago noticed the creature in the shrubbery, watching him, and concluded that it was a dog. Since he didn't like dog much, he decided that ignoring it was the best policy. He certainly hadn't expected it to come leaping out of the bushes, claws flying, yellow eyes gleaming, pinning him to the ground. Those eyes stared into his own, daring him to fight back, then he felt teeth sink into his neck, and warm blood springing from the wound. He tried not to cry. A six year old boy would often rather die than be seen by his friends to cry.  
  
And then the gunshot rang out. The werewolf reared away from him, a mad glint in its eyes. Remus felt more fear at the sound of the gunshot than anything else.  
  
His parents ran into the garden, his father hastily re-loading his rifle, his mother screaming and waving her arms madly. But Lupin senior didn't get a chance for a second shot; the werewolf was gone almost instantly, struggling away into the undergrowth to die from its wound.  
  
And that was all Remus could remember for a long time afterwards**  
  
Surely the beast was dead now? And surely it couldn't hurt him now. He opened his eyes to gaze once more into those of his werewolf sire.  
  
***  
  
After the lesson, Sirius bounded through the castle and out onto the grounds. He transformed into Padfoot as he ran toward the Whomping Willow, and its tunnel which would lead him to Remus.  
  
How could he have ignored this feeling inside him for so long? Now he had let it see daylight, he knew it had always been there. He tilted back his canine head and howled for every dog within a mile to hear: "I LOVE REMUS LUPIN!"  
  
He got a couple of barked responses along the lines of "shut up!" and "Nobody cares!" But he ignored them. Dogs were obnoxious creatures.  
  
Sirius enjoyed the sensation of occupying another, un-human form. This body was much more free than his usual form, and he covered the ground between the castle and the willow in hardly any time at all. He could remember doing this as a boy, with James and Peter, all three of them transformed and going to meet Remus in the shack for their monthly adventures. Together, the four of them had explored almost the entirety of the Forbidden Forest, Hogsmeade village and Hogwarts castle. And, of course, their wanderings had allowed them to make the Marauders' Map, their legacy. Tonight, Sirius knew, he and Remus would tread those childhood paths again, investigating places undisturbed for twenty years. They would remember James and Peter as they had been, young and carefree, and they would go even further than they had in their youths, even deeper into the forest, maybe clear over to the other side . . .  
  
And then, when the time was right, Sirius would tell Remus that, yes, he felt it too. That he loved him. And then . . . Well, who knew what could happen then? A huge grin spread across Sirius' canine features at this thought. . .  
  
And then it vanished as he neared the willow. He certainly could not fit through to stop the branches moving, and the stick usually used had been left on the other side of the tree, near the trunk, by Remus, who would need it to get back.  
  
He began to lose heart when he remembered something. The Shrieking Shack was a house. This meant it would have a door, probably down in Hogsmeade. The grin returned as he galloped down towards the village.  
  
To Be Continued . . .  
  
A/N: Phwee! Yes. Indeed. A few notes to my sponsors. Um. I mean Reviewers.  
  
Sicily Lupin: Really? Wow! **Feels all warm inside**  
  
Lady Midnight: But if I didn't keep cutting it off at the good bits, would you keep coming back for more? I'm soooooo glad that you do! I love your story! Hey, guys, go and read Lady Midnight's story, it is called "Saying No To You" and it's brilliant! (Um . . . I used your Sirius-the-Ladies'-man thing a wee bit . . .But I think he was!)  
  
Jinglefairy: Heehee! Siri/Rem slash rules. If you want a *really* good story, check out the one I mentioned above (no, Lady Midnight is not paying me. She doesn't need too!)  
  
Lady Robin: I've written more! And it's quite soon, no? . . . Goodness me, I have two Ladies reading my stuff. Well, I am a Queen, what do you expect? **Gloats a bit** A-hem. . .  
  
Dace: Wahoooooooonie!! Sephie wrote to me! Shall poke her for ye a bit.wait, I could tell you this any time . . .  
  
Padfootwolfboy: As I mentioned, bananas soaked in Naphtha area good way to lure muses. Oh, and don't clobber Sirius! **Snuggles Sirius. Gets funny looks from Remus. Whimpers, runs away** Oh! Mister Wolfboy's stories are very good too!! Go read!  
  
Anonymous, un-named person: You hate cliffs? Are you from Dover?  
  
Well, that's it. For now. Yes. Have fun!! Part Eight will be up very soon! And, yes, I'm hyper! And I ought to calm down . . . Phwee! 


	8. Declarations

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Eight  
  
Disclaimer: They belong to J. K. Rowling. And ctera.  
  
***  
  
"You . . . You," was all Remus Lupin could manage to say.  
  
The she-wolf stared patiently at him. "You've no idea how long I've been looking for you," she told him. "I've searched high and low, north, south, east, west . . . I could find no trace of you."  
  
Remus struggled to his feet and shook his fur. "Why?" he asked simply.  
  
She stared down her snout at him. She was smaller than he was, grey furred and amber eyed. She had a patient expression, but a terrible nervousness lay underneath it. Her claws dug into the wooden floras if she was assuring herself of its continuing reality.  
  
"Why?" she repeated, staring at him. "You ask me why? Then obviously you have never bitten a human being."  
  
"I haven't," said Remus.  
  
"Then you will not understand the . . . self-loathing I feel every day. The disgust that I could do such a thing. I bit a small boy. I was hungry. There was no other reason. I could have killed you. And you ask why I sought you out? I am a werewolf, but I am no beast. I had to see you. Do you understand?"  
  
Remus nodded. He did understand.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
  
"We've met before. My name is Linda - "  
  
"Garland," said Remus quietly. "You. . . "  
  
"You, Remus, are purely the reason why I took this job at Hogwarts. You weren't hard to find once the 'Daily Prophet' got hold of the Werewolf Teacher At Hogwarts story."  
  
Remus stared hard at her. He wondered why he didn't hate her. She had done this to him, made him into a beast, but he could not feel any negative emotion towards her. He knew she could not have helped herself. It was not her fault. It was a curse, something which could not be stopped. He had felt it himself, had scented humans close by while transformed, felt the urge to hunt . . . one of the strongest instincts in the animal world, that and the urge to find a mate. Some wolves would track their pray for days with no thought to giving up. It was the drive to survive, to live long enough to continue the species, and in a werewolf's case, continuing the species meant biting a human being. You didn't breed werewolves, the gene was recessive. It wasn't often you got something like Claire, his daughter. She had been one in a million. But he tried not to think of those transformations, when he had never had to worry about being alone. It was best to concentrate on Now. He looked back up at his sire.  
  
"I'm still not entirely sure why - "  
  
"Just be quiet and listen for a minuet, will you?" She sat down and blinked at him. "Remus, I am your sire. I may as well be your parent. I want to know all about you, I want to see you well mated - " Remus blinked at this, very, very slightly, but she noticed it. "A touchy subject?" she asked. "Do you already have a mate?"  
  
Remus looked away for a brief second. "There's . . . someone," he said.  
  
The she-wolf raised her eyebrows. "Really? You don't sound too enthused over this person."  
  
"Oh! I am. I mean . . . Sirius, I've always . . ." his voice trailed away. She looked sternly at him.  
  
"I don't think he really wants me," Remus muttered, staring at his paws.  
  
There was a clattering sound from downstairs, followed by a yelp and a crash as something heavy fell into something else. Both werewolves started towards the door, low growls rising their throats. There was an intruder. The wolf in them couldn't be having with intruders.  
  
Remus peered between the banisters, gazing down at the large entrance hall below. Someone had knocked over a statue, which had hit a table, and the intruder was now trying dislodge themselves from beneath both items. The statue rolled away and shattered on the floor. A large black, shaggy dog crawled out of the heap of broken table and wagged its tail.  
  
"Hullo, Remus!" Sirius called up. "Sorry about the mess! Who's your friend?"  
  
"And this is him," Remus murmured to Linda, leading her down the stairs. She gave him a small canine smile.  
  
"You made it," he said, sitting down not far from Sirius. "This is Linda, by the way. She's a friend. I'll explain later."  
  
Sirius' tongue lolled out in a grin. "I've never met another werewolf. I'm Sirius Black." He waited for the reaction this usually generated, but she just smiled at him. He looked slightly sulky for a moment, then gazed at Remus.  
  
"Want to go for a run?"  
  
"How could I refuse?" he chuckled.  
  
Linda looked between them both. "Good luck, Remus," she whispered in wolfish. "I'll stay here," she added in general canine, for Sirius' benefit.  
  
They left the Shrieking Shack together.  
  
***  
  
The forest was as dark and cold as ever, still and silent in the grip of winter. A bird or two fluttered between the branches, and the occasional animal ventured from its home only to search for food. A mist hung between the trees like a giant cobweb, its frail tendrils brushing every surface like a gentle lover, or a parent holding a child, comforting, slightly warmer than the stark air. Insects failed to break the web in their effort- less drifting, the birds only disturbed it for a moment before it re-formed around their flight path.  
  
The trees themselves were mostly huge, contorted structures this deep into the forest. Centuries old, they had been here since the founding of Hogwarts castle and the village below. One could almost see the faces of wise old wizards in their gnarly bark. They stretched up higher and higher, grasping for the sky, battling in slow motion with each other for the life- giving light.  
  
Across the lower trunk of one of the forest's largest trees, moss had grown over part of an engraving in the bark. The picture had once shown a rough star, with four names inside. Now, they were more or less illegible. ". . . ius Bla. . ."was visible, as was "ame . . . otter". Only the 'L' was visible of one surname. The fourth name was totally obscured. An old school tie was draped over a low limb of the same tree.  
  
Sirius lifted it down in his jaws.  
  
"I remember when he left that here," Remus murmured, padding up beside Sirius. "Old McGonagal went spare."  
  
Sirius nodded, smiling slightly at the memory of his late best friend. The tie still had the name "James Potter" embroidered on the back.  
  
"That was the past," Sirius muttered, letting the school tie drop to the floor. He looked at the werewolf. "Remus, I don't want to live in the past. I want to get on with the future." He sat down on the forest floor. Remus watched him. Sirius said quietly, "Remus, I . . . I need to tell you. . ."  
  
Remus breathed a sigh. "No, you don't need to say anything. I know how you feel."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yes. And I'm sorry. . ."  
  
"What?" Sirius yelped. "Why? What' -"  
  
"It doesn't make ay difference."  
  
"Yes it does!"  
  
"It doesn't. We can just go on as before. Forget it." Remus looked away, biting back a sob. He should have known as soon as Sirius' name had been cleared that he'd never want Remus, should have known that -  
  
"But I don't want to!" Sirius yelped. "I've decided. I can't keep going on like this."  
  
Remus looked at him again. "Then leave Hogwarts," he said blankly. "If you stay here, there's no way things will change. Sirius, I'll always love you. I can't just make it stop -"  
  
"Remus!" Sirius barked at him. "You've missed the point, you plank. I love you too."  
  
The werewolf stared at him.  
  
"Close your mouth," Sirius suggested. Remus did so. Sirius gave him a huge grin, then pounced on him.  
  
***  
  
The sun began to rise as Sirius and Remus returned to the Shack. They found Linda, and Remus explained who she was, then they had transformed together back into human form. Linda used the next room for her transformation.  
  
Remus and Sirius stared at each other. The werewolf was slumped against the bed, gasping and groaning with the pain of the change. Sirius found Remus' cloths, then knelt beside him.  
  
"Are you okay, Moony?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Just give me a moment."  
  
He shut his eyes and took several deep breaths. There would be no new scars on his body from tonight, but the bruises from the transformation itself were inevitable. And beneath the skin, there would be the wolf, satisfied for now but anxious for its next release. Remus could almost feel its claws digging into his brain. He gritted his teeth against it, fighting it down again.  
  
Then he felt something else. Sirius' fingers were tracing a long, old scar which ran down Remus' chest, wearing a look of desperate concern on his face.  
  
"I wish I could do something to help you," Sirius whispered. "I hate seeing you like this. In pain, I mean," he added. He could certainly get used to seeing Remus with no clothes on, even though all the scars were rather worrying.  
  
"There's nothing more you can do, we both know that," said Remus. He slid his arms around Sirius' waist, buried his face in that soft black hair which he had always adored, and smiled contentedly.  
  
"Moony," Sirius murmured.  
  
"Hmm?" Remus snuggled him tightly.  
  
"Moony, are you *purring*?"  
  
Remus grinned at him, and continued to purr. Sirius sighed after a moment, and pulled away.  
  
"I'd better go before anyone notices I'm missing," he said. "And you'd better get dressed and go to see Poppy Pomfrey." He leaned down to kiss Remus' forehead, then clambered to his feet and headed for the door. "I love you," he told the werewolf, before disappearing down the stairs.  
  
Remus lay there smiling for a moment, then dressed quickly, wincing every time he tweaked a tender joint. Seconds later, Linda was back. She grinned at him.  
  
"Things worked out, then?"  
  
"They did," Remus told her, still smiling. "Well . . . they will, anyway. I know it."  
  
"Good for you - " he began, then stopped. There was another sound from downstairs. They both crept towards the banister and gazed down towards the front door, which was open. Sirius was on the inside, and two men on the outside were staring at him. Remus turned to Linda and whispered to her.  
  
"Go through the tunnel, get help."  
  
"Do you know those two?"  
  
"No," Remus lied.  
  
Linda stared at him, then darted for the trapdoor.  
  
Remus gazed down at the scene below him. He just hoped Sirius could handle this, and send their visitors packing alone. He didn't have the strength for a meeting with these two, not now. Not ever, maybe.  
  
To Be Continued . . .  
  
A/N: To my reviewers . . .  
  
EvaYasha: Thanks sooooo much! I'm really glad you like it.  
  
Lady Midnight: Slow-Sirius is always more lovable than Sharp-as-a-knife Sirius, no? Well, I think so. You know, I have to try REALLY hard not to base my Sirius on your Sirius. I'm getting all impatient waiting for your next chapter - I looooooooove your story!!  
  
White Owl: Heehee! Malfoy rocks, no?  
  
Dace: Look out, Cloud Eight bites.  
  
Jesusfreak[many sevens]: Hear, hear! Or here, here! Whichever it is . . .  
  
Fangless: You are a tart. (Sorry. . .private argument) Padfootwolfboy: Arr, Muse hunting is a tough business. Trust me on the bananas, though. And thanks for your support all through this ficcy! 


	9. The Rat's Back

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Eight-Point-Five  
  
Disclaimer: I own them not  
  
***  
  
A pair of eyes in the undergrowth watched as Sirius and Remus left the forest, then a large rat emerged from the foliage and scampered towards the village.  
  
Wormtail could scarcely believe what he had heard - Sirius and Remus in love? It was absurd - it was quite the funniest thing he had heard in a long time, and he could hardly suppress a snigger. Oh, he could only imagine what their old friend James would think. He'd have found it funny too, Wormtail thought, but for different reasons. As far as Wormtail was concerned, it was funny because both of them were total planks, oblivious to their own feelings, never mind those of another person. Sirius was always funny to watch. He was such a bumbling idiot! And as for Remus, he trailed a faint whiff of trouble wherever he went, even if it wasn't always his fault. Wormtail had kept track of the werewolf for the past fourteen years. There wasn't much Remus had done that Wormtail didn't know about - his marriage, his daughter, every sordid love affair, every job and every period of unemployment.  
  
Sirius, on the other hand, was a fresh book. Wormtail would watch him with interest. If, of course, Sirius lived after tonight.  
  
*** It was very nearly dawn by the time Julian and Thuban reached Hogsmeade village, which didn't make a lot of sense to Thuban.  
  
"He'll be human when we find him," said the elder Black brother, referring to Remus Lupin.  
  
"Good."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He'll be weak."  
  
"He'll be *human*! I can't kill a human!"  
  
"That," said Julian, "is because you are also weak." He caught sight of something close to the ground. "And here's our pet rat. Hallo, Wormtail."  
  
The rat dodged into a doorway and transformed back to his human shape. He had been acquainted with Black and Jackson for several months, and was very impressed with both of them so far as utter hatred for Remus went. Sirius' brother, of course, had no idea who Wormtail was. Letting that slip would cause no end of trouble. Voldemort would not be happy if he found out Wormtail was causing trouble without his permission.  
  
"Well?" said Julian.  
  
"Lupin's definitely here," said Wormtail. "Lock up your daughters! And your sons," he added, as an afterthought. This earned him one hell of a glare from Julian, and he fell silent.  
  
"Be civil," spat Julian. He paused. "How do you know Lupin, anyway?"  
  
"He was in my year at school."  
  
"You were friends?" Thuban asked suspiciously.  
  
"No, no! Never liked him." This was more or less true. He had been in awe of Remus, Sirius and James, and had let them think it was genuine friendship, but he had never imagined *liking* any of them. Obnoxious swots, he thought. All three had been totally full of themselves and their own cleverness, bravado and popularity. He felt sick thinking back on his schooldays. He felt even more sick as an image sprung into his mind of Sirius and Remus *together*.  
  
"Yuk," he muttered.  
  
"What?" snapped Julian.  
  
"Nothing." Wormtail glanced at Thuban. "Nothing at all."  
  
"In that case," said Julian, "let's get a move on. Sun's up."  
  
Wormtail scampered away, and the others started up towards the house. Julian felt the hairs on the back of his neck tingle. He was looking forwards to this reunion.  
  
***  
  
To Be Continued . . . 


	10. Confrontations

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Nine.  
  
Disclaimer: I own them not.  
  
Dedication: To Novek Dace, Apocalyptic Kittens, IWD and vodka shots with passion fruit.  
  
***  
  
Thuban Black had not had a good day so far. Julian had dragged him half-way across the country, he wasn't totally sure why, he hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday, Ella had been left all alone in London, and it was six a.m. and he wasn't tucked up in bed. Now, on top of all this, he was face- to-face with his estranged brother.  
  
"S-Sirius," he stuttered, trying to maintain eye contact with his younger sibling. "What're you doing here?"  
  
Sirius stared blankly at Thuban, then his gaze moved to the man next to him. "Julian Jackson?"  
  
Julian nodded once. His eyes were narrowed, and he stared at Sirius like a hawk. He was a tall man, lightly built, red-haired and blue eyed. For some reason, Sirius got a strange tingling, hostile sensation from their eye contact. He fought down an involuntary shudder.  
  
"Where's your pet wolf, Black?" Julian growled, pushing his way into the shack.  
  
"Get out," Sirius snapped. He glared at Thuban. He could barely bring himself to talk to his elder brother.  
  
"We're going nowhere without a wolf pelt," said Thuban, raising his chin in defiance. "That creature, Sirius, he ruined you. Let us sort him out. We'll get rid of him for you, then you can come back with us - "  
  
"Shut up," said Julian shortly. "You don't know what you're talking about."  
  
Thuban blinked at him. "But that's what we planed -"  
  
"I've changed the plans. Lupin lives until I say."  
  
Julian shoved Sirius aside and stormed towards the stairs. Remus, hidden behind the banister, had not time to make a run for it before Julian was upon him. Remus staggered to his feet.  
  
"Julian -" he began.  
  
Something black and furry shot up the stairs and hit Julian full in the back, bowling him over. As he fell, he seemed to shift and contort, becoming inhuman, beast-like, then finally canine.  
  
Sirius and Julian hit the floor in a rolling heap of black and white fur. Teeth gashed and claws slashed, and Remus watched in wide-eyed horror. Finally, Thuban stumbled up the stairs, wand in hand, and shot several curses at Sirius all at once. Sirius was jerked back into his human form, and hung suspended in the air, a foot above the floor and very close to the edge of the railing. He struggled for a moment, then gave up and simply hung there, snarling.  
  
Julian shook out his fur, and became human. Thuban and Sirius stared at him in disbelief. Remus buried his face in his hands.  
  
"You're one of *them*?" Thuban gasped.  
  
"Oh, shut up," spat Julian. "I'm through with you. Get out of here."  
  
"But -"  
  
Julian's wand arm swung out and he shot a curse at Thuban, who froze, immobile.  
  
"You're an Animagus," growled Sirius, dangling.  
  
"That's right," said Julian.  
  
"Not that that matters. Remus!" The werewolf glanced up. Sirius waved an arm at Julian. "This man killed your daughter!"  
  
Remus was already pale and shaking, but now seemed to become more so. He shook his head once.  
  
"I don't believe it," he muttered.  
  
"Oh, you can believe it," said Julian. "I'll admit it to any court."  
  
Remus' head shook again. "You wouldn't. No, no, you didn't . . ."  
  
"You *know* this bastard?" Sirius demanded.  
  
"Shut up, Black," said Julian dismissively. He was watching Remus intently. The werewolf's gaze failed to meet his. "Remus? You believe me. Of course you believe me. I did it. And you know why too."  
  
"The girl was a werewolf," supplied Sirius. "That was your only reason."  
  
Julian's head snapped round. "I told you to shut up!" he roared. "Remus and I . . ." he turned back to Remus and touched his white face with a finger, almost fondly. "Remus and I have a lot of catching up to do."  
  
A tear rolled down Remus' cheek. Julian wiped it gently away, but a small sneer scuttled across his face. "Don't cry, Lupin," he said, as if talking to a child. "It all makes sense, doesn't it?"  
  
Remus shut his eyes. "I'm sorry, Sirius," he murmured.  
  
"Why?" Sirius asked, trying to stop himself from gently spinning in mid- air. "What for?"  
  
"I - I didn't know," Remus babbled. "He didn't tell me, I couldn't help it . . ."  
  
Julian grinned. "I think what Remus is trying to say is, he's changed his mind about whatever cosy little set-up the two of you have. I expect he'll say the word for me to let you drop soon." He peered over the banister at the long drop to the marble floor below.  
  
"You're mad," Remus growled.  
  
"No, no, no," said Julian. The fingers of one hand curled round Remus' chin, lifting it so he could look into his eyes. "I'm not mad. I never was mad, and I'm not now." He leaned closer so that Remus could hardly focus on his face. Then Julian was kissing him, badly and it hurt. He had a tight grip on Remus' arm, his nails drawing blood from the bruised skin. "I was never mad," Julian hissed into Remus mouth. "I was in love."  
  
An inhuman sound rose in Sirius' throat. "Mine!" he howled, meaning Remus. "MINE! Let him GO!"  
  
To Remus' surprise, Julian did as he was told. He released his grip on Remus like a spring pinging back, and the werewolf stumbled into the wall, sprawling and fighting for his balance. He could scarcely believe what was happening, and now he was going to have to explain it all to Sirius.  
  
"Julian didn't tell me," he whispered again.  
  
"Tell you what?" Sirius demanded.  
  
"That he's an Animagus. I didn't find out until afterwards."  
  
Julian smirked. "Fair's fair, old fellow, you didn't say you were a werewolf either."  
  
"I don't get it," said Sirius. "Start from the beginning, Remus."  
  
Remus blinked away the last of his tears. He glared at Julian, then his gaze came to rest on Sirius.  
  
"Julian and I . . . Look, Sirius, I was all alone, and . . ."  
  
"I'll do it," said Julian. "You're obviously in no state to remember so much as your name. Darling," he added as an afterthought.  
  
Sirius glared as Julian stalked towards him, but he listened in silence.  
  
"He wasn't alone, for a start," said Julian. "That's a classic excuse, but it doesn't count here because it was his stag night of all things. And he was sitting there in this pub with a bunch of lads from work, or whatever, looking so bloody obvious . . . I mean, this was his stag night, right, and he was totally ignoring the bloody stripper and gazing at some bloke to the left of her." Julian paused, grinned. "Flipping obvious," he emphasised. "And there was I sitting at the bar, watching the charade, thinking, 'let's give the poor bastard a break, why not invite him home?'. It was a sympathy thing, you know? I didn't know he was a bleeding werewolf, did I!"  
  
"What's the difference?" Sirius growled.  
  
"Difference? Well, their kind mate for life, right. Well known fact. And it's wrong. They only mate for life with another wolf. Or dog. Or someone with striking canine qualities. You and me, as a matter of fact. Canine Animagi are prime mate-material. And all it takes is one night of frenzied passion, one bleeding night . . ."  
  
"He's my mate," Remus blurted out, from his slouched position by the wall.  
  
"Mate my arse," muttered Julian. "Next time I saw Remus he was married. I'd been searching high and low for weeks when I finally met him in that pub again."  
  
"It wasn't a conscious choice," muttered Remus.  
  
"No," said Julian. "That's true, it wasn't. There we were, the two of us, having the time of our lives - weren't we, Remus, yes we were - and his bloody wolf gets some mad idea into its head, mine too. It's like a separate entity, you know what I mean, Black. The hound has its own ideas. As for me, I spend more time as a wolf than I do human. Or I did then. But on with the story. Remus avoided me for a couple of weeks, did a pretty good job of it, actually. But we both knew he couldn't hide forever. A mate's for life - *life*, d'you hear, Black? Lupin's mine. He always will be. He couldn't resist me. It's in the blood. A mate's purpose is to help you survive, to look out for you, to hunt with you, and you do the same for him. It is a bond so strong there is no comparison to it. If you're separated, you seek each other out, fighting and defeating anything that comes between you. That's why Remus came back for me. He needed me."  
  
Sirius glanced at Remus, who was crouched down against the wall, conducting an intense study of the woodwork. It was all true. Remus would have denied it if it wasn't.  
  
"Then what?" Sirius whispered.  
  
"Then he kept it hush-hush," said Julian simply. "Told his wife I was a friend from work, slept with me in secret. She had me round for dinner every Sunday, that wife of his. I was part of the family." He sneered at Remus, who had eyes only for the skirting board. It seemed to fascinate him. He didn't even blink.  
  
"I kind of liked it," said Julian. "It was fun. A game, if you like. We were very good at hiding what we had, Remus and I. No one ever suspected . . . And, of course, at full moon I was company. He told me how his friends would transform with him, how it made things so much easier, so I took up that responsibility. . . "  
  
Sirius started to growl, but Julian didn't notice. He gazed at Remus again. His eyes seemed to un-focus slightly.  
  
"Then he threw me out," he said. "With no good reason, either. I got angry. Very angry. He told me - "  
  
"I never loved you," said Remus, without looking up.  
  
"Yeah," hissed Julian. "That was it exactly."  
  
"I love Sirius. I always have."  
  
"Doesn't matter now. His brother wants to kill him. You want to stop him? You, in your weakness? Doesn't matter. Black dies. He's a criminal, doesn't matter what proof you have in favour of him." There was a mad glint in Julian's eyes. He turned to Remus once more. "Why?" he said. "Just tell me why."  
  
Remus' gaze finally met his. It was rock solid and fathoms deep. Then the werewolf looked at Sirius, still floating there above the drop.  
  
"I just . . ." he whispered. His voice caught. He took a deep breath. "You know the answer, Sirius. You know what I've always wanted, the only thing I always wanted . . ."  
  
Sirius nodded. "You wanted to be normal."  
  
Realisation dawned in Julian's eyes. He sneered again. "Normal? *you*, Normal? Remus, you area grade A freak! A gay werewolf! Probably the only one in existence, too. You turn into a savage, man-eating beast at full moon, the rest of the time you're a confused wreak! We've been watching you. We've got eyes close to the ground. A small, ratty friend of ours seems to know a hell of a lot about you, and none of it seems very normal to me!"  
  
"Neither is killing your ex-lover's family!" Sirius snarled.  
  
Remus looked up at him. "You don't have to stand up for me, Padfoot," he sighed wearily. "Besides, I don't believe he did it - "  
  
"WHAT?" Screeched Julian. "I don't believe this!"  
  
"Julian, you wouldn't -"  
  
"Oh, yes I would, Remus! And I did! Could I lie to you, my mate?"  
  
Slowly, Remus shook his head. A hopeless anger rose up in his eyes, but he shook his head again, trying to dislodge any emotions. "Please, just go," he murmured.  
  
"Go?" Hissed Julian. "How can I? You want this - this floating idiot as a lover. How can you if I just go?" He moved closer to Remus. There was the velvety slithering sound of a blade shooting out of it's hiding place in his sleeve. "You want to break this life-bond between us? In that case, one of us must die. Who'd you think it should be, eh? Want to flip a coin?" He produced such an object. "Heads or tails, Lupin?"  
  
Remus stared at the coin. Then he stared at Julian. Then his gaze slipped to the blade which was now pressed against his side. In the sparkling clarity of one who knows he's about to die, he got to wondering where Linda had gotten to with help.  
  
Sirius growled, breaking the silence. "Lay a finger on him, and I'll rip you apart."  
  
Julian turned to face him, blade still pressed against Remus' side. A small smile passed over his face. His wand arm flicked out, and Thuban sprung back to life.  
  
"Now's your chance, Thuban," he said quietly. "Get rid of your useless brother."  
  
"You *are* mad!" Remus screamed.  
  
"Maybe," said Julian.  
  
Just then, several things happened all at once. We shall run through them in slow motion.  
  
First of all, Thuban raised his crossbow with the silver-tipped arrow. Secondly, Remus let out some kind of animal noise from deep in his throat, and pushed at Julian. The knife lanced into his side, but he didn't feel it. He launched himself at Sirius. About now, the door opened, and Linda rushed in, closely followed by Dumbledore, Snape and various other members of staff, but no one noticed them.  
  
Julian rushed after Remus, but unlike Remus, stopped short of the railings.  
  
Thuban glared at his brother, the traitor, the shame to his family's name. He aimed. He fired.  
  
Remus' leap concluded with his throwing his arms around Sirius. His fall, however, started soon after. The crossbow bolt glanced off his shoulder, ripping his robes but little else, and he and Sirius plummeted downwards. Before they hit the floor, Remus twisted sharply so that Sirius would land on him and not vice-versa.  
  
Not for the first time in the past few days, the world according to Remus Lupin went black.  
  
To Be Continued . . .  
  
***  
  
A/N: Okay. That was . . . probably not what you expected. I didn't expect it either. Blame my bath: all kinds of plot bunnies popup in the bath, this one amongst them. I was going to have some cheesy Linda related plot with fluffy werewolf stuff then a Siri/Rem happily-ever-after. . . but this one wouldn't go away.  
  
So now Remus knows the killer and has won Sirius' heart. But don't be fooled - it's not over yet!  
  
I'd also like to thank my reviewers once more, but if I want this posted today I'll have to with-hold most of the individual comments (damn limited computer-use!).  
  
Thanks as always to Lady Midnight, who's simply lovely! And to Padfootwolfboy, who found my muse! **Holds up muse** Dace and I christened him Gulerod, which is Danish for carrot. Also howdy to Dace, who now has a ff.net account (penname Novek Dace).  
  
Will post next part as soon as it's written.  
  
~Smithy~ 


	11. Conclusions

Definition Of A Wolf  
  
Part Eleven (yeah, I know, I've messed the numbers up . . . )  
  
Disclaimer: I'm making no money from using these characters, but I am having one hell of a good time. So sue me.  
  
Dedication: To the foreseeable end of exam season.  
  
A/N: Flames welcome because I've not had any and it's getting chilly over here.  
  
***  
  
Remus felt rotten. He kept slipping in and out of consciousness, there was a throbbing pain in his side, and his head hurt. He was, however, aware of someone leaning over his bed (well, he assumed he was in bed, he could feel what were probably sheets).  
  
"Sirius?" He gasped.  
  
The figure shook its head. "Sorry to disappoint you, Remus."  
  
Remus' eyes shot open. If it wasn't Sirius, then -  
  
"Julian?"  
  
"Nope." The figure laughed horribly. "Not him either." And the shadow melted into the familiar (horrible, yes, but familiar) face, and eventually body too, of Severus Snape.  
  
"Oh," said Remus, relaxing slightly. "You."  
  
"Yes, me. I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Lupin. Dumbledore was going to do the honours, but he's otherwise occupied."  
  
"What news?" Remus asked, trying to prop himself up with a pillow.  
  
"About your little friend. Your . . . lover."  
  
Remus froze. "Sirius? What's wrong with-"  
  
Snape laughed again. "No, not him. The other one. Julian. He's . . . not with us any more."  
  
Remus let himself slump back. A strange mixture of grief and relief swept over him. It was over, then. The murderer of his family was gone, he was free again.  
  
"How?" he asked.  
  
Snape snorted. "It runs in the family."  
  
"What?"  
  
"They've all got a killing streak."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The Blacks, of course. He claimed he was under some kind of spell, but whether the Ministry will fall for that -"  
  
Remus sighed. Thuban's work, then. He was fully willing to believe Julian had him under some kind of spell, but it didn't matter right now.  
  
"Where's Sirius?" he asked.  
  
"He's around. Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let him in to see you. She didn't want you stressed or exited. " Snape's expression softened slightly. "You nearly died, you know, Lupin."  
  
Remus chuckled. He'd always known Snape wasn't as mean and heartless as he came across.  
  
"I'm in the Hospital wing, then?" he asked. His long vision slowly came back to him, and he nodded to himself. Then, suddenly, the door burst open and Sirius came bounding in.  
  
"Moony!" he yelped, shoving Snape roughly out of the way and bouncing happily up and down at the end of the bed. "Moony, you're alright!"  
  
Remus laughed. "I'm fine, Sirius, just fine." He winced as his side flooded once more with pain. "Well, nearly fine."  
  
Sirius grinned. Then he looked at Snape. "Shove off, grease ball," he said bluntly, then turned back to Remus. "I heard about Julian," he said. "Sad?"  
  
"I don't know," said Remus, who truly didn't. "But I do know one thing, Sirius. You've got every right to hate me now."  
  
Sirius' face fell. "Why?" he asked.  
  
"Now you know what I'm like -"  
  
"Don't be stupid," said Sirius. "I know exactly why you did everything you did while I was in Azkaban."  
  
"Oh, yes?"  
  
"Padfoot withdrawal," said Sirius happily. "But that's all cured now, mister Lupin," he added, pretending to look at Remus' non-existent patient card over his non-existent glasses. "I think you're free to leave now."  
  
Remus grinned. "Thank you, doctor," he said, as Sirius leaned in close to him. "In fact, I've never felt better . . ."  
  
He knew this was a lie the second he'd said it, because he knew what was going to happen next. Sirius placed a soft kiss onto his lips, tentatively at first, almost chastely. It didn't last long, though, because before either of them knew it, they were wrapped in each other's arms, catching up on a lifetime's worth of kissing, and *then* Remus knew he'd never felt better. He could have drowned in Sirius' scent and warmth and love, and died a happy man. He suddenly didn't care about not being normal. Who would want normality when they could be with the person they love?  
  
Suddenly he became aware of some sound out there in the useless part of the Universe which didn't contain Sirius. It sounded like applause.  
  
They broke apart, had to fight to tear their gazes away from each other, and both grinned at their audience, which consisted of most of the school crammed into the doorway and the corridor outside. Dumbledore was inside the Hospital, a closed expression on his face, McGonagal beside him looking embarrassed. Sirius and Remus went red.  
  
"Um," said Remus, while trying to think of something more useful to say. "Headmaster, we -"  
  
"Yes, yes, Remus, we all saw." said Dumbledore, smiling slightly. "I believe someone in the corridor caught sight of you and decided to tell the whole school. No matter." He waved a hand at the crowd. "Back to lessons, please! Go on, all of you! That includes you too, mister Potter, no gawping in the corridors, please. Move along, move along!"  
  
When they had all gone, and Sirius and Remus had moved apart somewhat, Professor Dumbledore gave them a big smile. "I suppose you can put the past behind you now, Remus?"  
  
"Yes, headmaster," said Remus quietly. "Um. . . I still have a job, don't I? After last night?"  
  
Dumbledore laughed. "Yes, of course you do. Professor McGonagal wanted to expel you, but I pointed out that you're a bit old for that. Don't worry, Remus." He looked at Sirius. "As for your brother, he was quite clearly under some kind of charm or curse. I'm sure the Ministry will look kindly on him."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Thank you, headmaster."  
  
Dumbledore looked once more to Remus. "I think you should stay here for the next couple of days. Sirius will cover your lessons, won't you Sirius?"  
  
Sirius nodded again.  
  
"I'll leave you alone now. Sirius, you've got Sixth years after lunch."  
  
***  
  
It was a good Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. They hadn't had Professor Lupin for almost a week, and Sirius was nervous of damaging his lesson plans, so he let them do their homework in class. Harry, however, couldn't concentrate. The rest of the class had merely given Sirius faintly suggestive grins or thumbs up, but Harry simply could not believe this new revelation about his Godfather. Nevertheless, he stayed behind after the lesson to talk to him.  
  
"Are you okay, Harry?" Sirius asked cheerfully.  
  
Harry nodded mutely. Then he opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius got there first.  
  
"I want to say something," said Sirius firmly. "I know you aren't entirely comfortable with Remus and I, and I understand that. As for Remus, well, he's used to prejudice." Sirius paused pointedly, noting Harry's blush, then continued. "I still want you to come and live with me when I have a place of my own. It's your choice, but I want you to know the offer's open." Harry remained silent, so Sirius continued once more. "Remus doesn't have to live with us, he can look after himself. But it's totally up to you, of course. Harry?"  
  
Harry nodded again. "I'd much rather live with you and Remus than the Dursleys," he blurted suddenly.  
  
Sirius smiled at him. "I thought that. Give it proper consideration, though. Summer's a good few months away."  
  
"I will," said Harry. He walked towards the door, opened it, then looked back. "Are you happy, Sirius?"  
  
His Godfather gave him a huge, wolfish grin. "Never felt happier, Harry."  
  
Harry's face broke into a smile. He shut the door, walked swiftly across the classroom, and hugged Sirius. "In that case, congratulations," he muttered.  
  
"Thank you, Harry," said Sirius, as he was released. "That means a lot to me."  
  
Harry left the classroom, and Sirius sat down heavily in a chair. He shuddered slightly. For a moment there, he had almost believed Harry was James. The boy was so tall now, so like Sirius' dead best friend. Harry even hugged like his father.  
  
Sirius wished, however futile it was, that James could be here now, to see him this happy. He knew Remus would be thinking more or less the same thing. The three of them had shared everything with each other, to the extent that Remus and Sirius had been just as exited as James on his wedding day. It was strange being here in Hogwarts without James and Lily, but Remus' presence made him feel more comfortable. He was going to have to keep a tight reign on his werewolf, though. If he ever lost Remus he didn't know what he would do. He wouldn't be able to live. He'd be totally lost . . .  
  
He shook himself. That was not how he should be thinking. He had Remus, he was happy. And this was how things would be from now on.  
  
***  
  
Remus lay back in his hospital bed and stared at the ceiling. The wolf was dormant within him. It was grieving, he could sense that. He felt nothing at the loss of Julian himself, he had no grief or pain left to spare, but the wolf would mourn the loss of its mate. Then it would want another one. That was how it worked in the wild: the mate-for-life thing was very romantic to the outsider, but Mother Nature was heartless and scoffed at romance. The only thing any wild creature really cared about was itself. If seeming to care for another was helpful, then so be it. A mate would look out for you, share their food with you. A mate was a lifeline in the face of the harsh reality of the world. And his mate had been Julian. His mate, not his lover, because he could never have loved anyone other than Sirius. A mate could be replaced. And he would be.  
  
Remus shifted his weight. The pain in his side was fading, with the help of various foul potions and remedies. He would survive once more.  
  
And maybe, he thought, that was the definition of a wolf. A survivor. You looked out for yourself. You advanced the species. You triumphed over every little obstacle, you kept on living, you fought against the odds, and you *survived*. A wolf was a creature of grace and mercy and power too. Yes, that was true. But these were human words, and if you tried to define them to a wolf it would laugh at you, if it knew how. Wolves don't need words. They live for smell and sound and meaning. A wolf with words was a dog, and dogs were an entirely different matter. A wolf was pure spirit and pure wilderness, coupled with a great intelligence. Being a wolf was noble. But, ultimately, being a wolf was being cold and emotionless. Sentiment didn't last five seconds in the wild.  
  
Being human meant you were stupid and clumsy and arrogant and loud and destructive. . . The list was endless. But, Remus Lupin told himself, if being human meant you could love and be loved in return, he would rather have that, thank you very much. On the other hand, he reflected, it was often quite nice to see things from both ends of the spectrum.  
  
Yes. Being a werewolf had its ups. And one of them was the prospect of having Sirius Black for a mate.  
  
Remus shut his eyes, and eventually he fell asleep to the soft sound of the wolf purring inside him as he conjured images in his mind of the life he and Sirius would live from now on. And he dreamed of Sirius, and as he dreamed, he smiled.  
  
End.  
  
***  
  
Okay. . . Thank you so much everyone who has reviewed this story, especially those who have been here since the beginning - Padfootwolfboy, Eva Yasha, Lady Midnight, Dace: Check out their work, I've said it before, it rocks! Dace has just joined the ranks of Authors here under the pen-name Novek Dace. And she rules more than . . . Something which rules muchly! Black Goddess - thanks for your advice. It was a long while ago, but thanks all the same.  
  
Hugs and kisses to you all, my spiffy readers and reviewers! May you all have a fantastic 2003.  
  
~Queen Smithy~ W.I.F. wolves can purr if I say they can purr! I thank you. 


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